Facebook Ranting

Enough about what I can't say, let's move on to things annoying me lately and since facebook was the source of my previous frustration, my ranting is focused on it.

1. I enjoy funny, educational, and motivational sayings as much as anyone but sweet tap dancin' christ, I sometimes get the feeling I'm the only person left that has thoughts of my own.  I imagine my friends greeting each other in public, never saying a word, just exchanging greeting cards.  At this point, I'd settle for hearing about shitty dinner selections.

2. One of these shared pictures is an explanation that fucktarded is not a contraction of fucking retarded.  I'm not sure which fucktard was so deeply in denial about their word choice but it does indeed mean fucking retarded. 

Which leads me to a side rant.  There is nothing wrong with calling someone a retard or saying they are retarded.  Not calling a mentally retarded person retarded won't make them any less retarded.  It's only an insult to actually retarded people if you say it with malice.  Avoiding the word out of ignorance to it's meaning is fucktarded.

Calling someone who isn't retarded, retarded, doesn't insult actually retarded people unless the comparison is to the president in which case you owe the retards an apology.  In all other cases, it's an insult to the person it is said to, not because there is something bad about being retarded, rather, it's because there is something wrong with not being retarded but behaving in such a way that people can't tell the difference.  Retards have an excuse, what's yours? 

3.  I am aware of autism.  Just sayin.

4.  I am also aware of breast cancer, diabetes, depression, animal abuse, child abuse, children starving, sexually transmitted diseases, athlete's foot, the common cold, minor skin irritation, and every other cause you've spammed a million times. 

5.  If you aren't comfortable having your views challenged, you shouldn't be expressing them publicly.  Don't get pissy if I disagree, ignore me, delete me, or get over it. 

6.  Not buying gas for a day doesn't solve anything.  Just means sales will be higher the day before or the day after.  Stop pushing meaningless movements to feel like you contributed to society. 

7.  As someone that actually doesn't care what people think, I do get a good laugh out of all of the "I am just being me" stuff.  For most folks, a more honest posting would read, "please like me."

8.  I sincerely hope that some of the children out there just don't photograph well. Some of those pictures should come with a warning.

9.  A post now and then about how in love you are is sweet.  A post every two seconds just tells the whole world that you're trying to convince yourself that the sense that you're with the wrong person will pass if you just keep repeating it. 

10.  If your god is so petty that he'd smite me for a little humor at his expense, he's an asshole I don't want to be associated with anyway. 

11.  If you're an atheist, shut up.  You don't know the answers anymore than anyone else does.  Being a self righteous douche-nugget is not a character trait you should be so proud of. 

12.  Finally, post what you want to post.  If someone doesn't like it, who cares.  Unless it's me.  If I don't like it, knock it the hell off. 

Ego Censored

I made a big mistake.  I enjoy having people read my blog and the reaction to it is largely positive so I shared it with people I know.  For the most part, it's been no big deal.  After typing for an hour tonight, I realized the post I wrote was entirely useless because it was work related and far too many people from work would have been able to read it. 

I hate having to self censor.  But my ego loves attention. I shoulda went with my gut and left this place relatively detached from my daily life. 

Ah well, ya can't unfuck a pregnant woman. 

What I can do is cull my friends list and use the settings here for posts I'd rather not have read by just anyone.  If you're on my friends list now but not in the near future, don't take it personally, you just had to go for my sanity and artistic freedom, as loosely as that phrase may apply here.

The real issue is that I am almost certain to not be blogging here much longer.  After almost 8 years, I am seriously considering moving on to a more anonymous blogging existence, or at least a second private blog for my more colorful thoughts. 

I'm not sure which way I want to go, I just know I hate having to watch what I say.  Live and learn. 

On an unrelated note, I've been completely absent from reading lately for a variety of reasons I won't bore you with.  I am going to work on that. 

See you fine folks next time. 

Bye Now

Last night a friend directed me to my blog to see a comment someone had left. You'd think I'd have noticed it myself but the truth is I haven't been by here in almost two weeks.  Imagine the sheer joy I experienced when I read the comment and realized I have my very own crazed internet stalker!  My friend was worried, the comment did suggest violence against my person.  My wife thinks I should let it go because you just never know how insane people on the internet can be.

Me?  I laughed my ass off.  Sorry Stalker, nothing is funnier than an internet bad ass.  Cowardly pricks hiding behind their computer screens hoping someone in cyber space takes them more seriously than the people they meet in real life.  Yeah, I'm real scared....

I'm going to speak to my stalker directly for a second, folks.

Look here my little bat shit insane pet, I've marked your comments as spam.  It's not that I don't enjoy your threats.  Quite the contrary, I laughed harder than I have in a long while as I read your desire to shut my mouth permanently.  What kind of fucktarded moron even talks like that?  I really should thank you for the laugh.

Still, you had to go away because you're upsetting people I care about.  Bad move, dickhole.  You can fuck with me all ya like. You start upsetting the people I care about and the fun is over.

I assure you, should our paths ever cross and you ever got the courage to try to shut my mouth, the police would have to come up with new terms for the violence I would visit upon you.  Nothing good can come from the road you're traveling.

For your own sake, fuck off.

To my family and friends that may be worried about the situation, the idiot didn't mask their IP.  They left a trail and should they continue to escalate things, I'll be smart and involve the proper authorities.  Trust me, that pussy is nothing to concern yourselves with.  Just one more overly sensitive cyber douche wishing they were as tough as their trembling fingers made them sound.  

Breaking Up

Her name was Lisa, a short cute girl with long blond hair.  She asked her friend to ask me to "go out with her."  I said yes and our whirlwind fourth grade romance began.  I can't remember ever saying a word to her but we did exchange some pretty intense cross-class stares.  Alas, all good things come to an end.  Lisa took a liking to Jasper and she had her friend tell me that we had broken up.

I would have been heartbroken but the next day she came into class with her beautiful long hair cut into a rat tail.  Poor Jasper had to stare across the room at that.  I still think that is why he stole and broke my pencil, she was mine when she was cute, his when she looked like a shaved Barbie.

Lisa was the first and last girl to ever break up with me.  Every other relationship ended because we moved, my mother forbid me to talk to the girl because of issues she had with the girl's mother, or I was ready to move on.

I have no frame of reference when it comes to dealing with being dumped.  I can tell ya how to break up (I recommend moving, it is by far the easiest), but when it comes to having your heart broken by the fairer sex, I have no experience to draw from.

This realization struck me earlier this week when my youngest son broke it off with his girlfriend.  It was his choice so I didn't have to give advice but if he had needed it, I had nothing.  My standard advice for guys in this situation doesn't really apply to my 15 year old son.  "Go fuck someone else, you'll feel better" just doesn't seem appropriate.

I have no conclusion here.  I'm really at a loss for how to respond should any of my children ever get their hearts broken.  Right now, I'm just praying it doesn't happen before they are of legal drinking age.  

No One Gets Out Alive

I just read a story about a 7 year old boy who was eating a Pop-Tart at school.  As he nibbled it down, he formed it into the shape of a gun.  The teacher claims she heard the child say "Bang Bang," also.  The child claims he was making a mountain.  I think the kid and the teacher are lying.  The boy was suspended from school for 2 days.

As asinine as it is to suspend a kid for 2 days for making a Pop-Tart gun, and as irritated as the story itself made me, the comments at the bottom sent me into a talking to myself shower rant.  As of this writing, the second comment in the comment section read, "What I want to know is why he was doing that in the first place. You never know the real gun might come next. They should of took a different route though."

Are ya fucking kidding me?  You never know the real gun might come next?  Because a kid made a gun out of a fucking Pop-Tart?  Do you have any idea how fucking stupid that is?

Let me, once again, share the not so secret secret with you pansies-asses, you are going to die.  None of your irrational fears will save you or your precious off-spring from eventually leaving this mortal coil.  And there is a chance you will die in a way so violent and gruesome that other people will lock themselves in their homes for fear of suffering the same fate.

And ya know what, there is not a god damn thing you can do about it.

Living your life based on worst case scenarios is not living your life.  It's a futile attempt to delay the inevitable  Banning guns (even the dreaded Pop-Tart pistol), limiting drink sizes, wearing helmets for everything from bike riding to sexual intercourse, none of these things will save you.  For fuck's sake, you could drown the next time you take a drink.

And to be brutally honest, if you think a kid making a Pop-Tart gun in anyway might lead him to bring a real gun to school, the most likely cause of your death will be your own fucking stupidity.  That is fucktarded on a level few get to ever experience.  How this moronic mother fucker remembers to breathe is beyond my imagination.

In the interest of full disclosure, I'll tell you I have made a pop-Tart gun.  I've made lego guns, play-dough guns, paper guns, hell, I even once made a mashed potato gun.  Never once took a real gun to school.  And if I'm being completely honest, if I ever get the urge to kill someone I will most likely beat them to death with my bare hands.  How's that make ya feel, ya cowardly mother fucker?

That any person would not only have this "real gun could be next" thought but say it publicly without shame shows just how fucking pussified (screw you spell check, pussified is a word) this world has become.  Morons like that commenter should be publicly mocked for their blatant stupidity.  And anyone who agrees with him should do the world a favor and take a toaster bath. 

(Can you believe a reader in high school has informed me my blog is blocked at their school for being "adult content"?  Go figure.)

A Rant in Prose

That's it.  I'm done being polite. The stupidity of the world I live in has reached such a point that the words you're about to read are fighting with each other to come out first.

We're going to start with guns.  More specifically, we're going to start with the irrational fear of guns that almost got a student suspended from school for wearing a US Marines t-shirt with crossed rifles at the bottom of it.

I wish I was making this up rather than there actually being people fucktarded enough to believe a fucking t-shirt with a gun on it might in some way endanger students.  Do ya really think someone is going to take a gun PRINTED on their god damn t-shirt off and start shooting people with it?

The school reversed course on this one but the school still issued a statement about student safety over this stupid shit.  It's a t-shirt, you stupid sons of bitches.  You've got a better chance of being eaten by Godzilla than you do from being shot by a fucking t-shirt.

Buncha god damn gun fearing pussies.

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Playboy Energy Drink has a facebook page with pictures of what they call Battle Bunnies.  None of the pictures are of naked women.  Some of them might as well be but no nipples or clits can be seen anywhere.  It's mostly women in the military with their uniforms open in sensual poses.

I see it and think, among other things, that these women are showing that underneath the uniform, they are still women.

Apparently women see it and think, "disrespectful slut."

I read comments about how they are setting back the progress women have made in the military and how people have died in that uniform.

Forgive me but....BULLSHIT.  Bullshit, bullshit, bullshit.

I have seen many pictures of men in uniform without their shirts on and read the comments from women about how sexy it is.  I haven't read a single god damn remark about how it was disrespectful to the uniform or about how the guys should put on their shirts because people have died in it.

I haven't even read anyone make a negative comment on the comments.

Sexy guy in a partial uniform?  Hot!  Sexy woman in the same uniform showing her bra?  Dirty slut!

Women, you need to knock the shit off.  For all the talk of any double standards between the sexes, you are the ones that perpetuate it.  Unless the woman is your friend, in which case you'll find an excuse for any of their behavior, you hold other women to a standard you don't hold men, or yourself, to.  Any show of sexuality means the woman is a slut with low self esteem and she's setting women back.

We men don't give a shit.  If some guy wants to show his junk off, more power to him.  I hope some of these double standard perpetuating women see it and are overcome with the desire to fornicate.  Maybe a good fuck would unbunch their damn panties.