"Frank, (name withheld) died last night."
"I thought you'd want to know."
"Nope, I don't care."
And I meant it.
This person was a relative. Someone I grew up around. Someone that loved me in their own way.
This person also brought great pain to those I love so they could feel important to a situation they were unrelated to. Pain some are still feeling. I could be more specific but it's unimportant to the moral of this little story.
I am not a "forgive and forget" kind of person. I see all of the inspirational quotes about how forgiveness helps you grow as a person and how it's what some people's gods want us to do. And I notice that the people that say those things often spend an awful lot of their time having to forgive others.
Me? Well, if someone upsets me enough that it may require forgiveness, I consider the relationship. If they are worth it, I'll forgive them and move on with life. If they aren't worth it, I simply shut them out of my life as though they never existed. Doesn't matter if they are friends or family, I don't believe blood ties grant you any special pass to be a shithead.
Believe me, it's better for everyone this way. I have the capacity for great cruelty. I'm not giving you examples, just trust me on this one. I go my way, they go theirs and, no one gets hurt further.
This isn't something I do every time someone upsets me. I am capable of forgiving. It's just that there is a threshold. A line you don't cross. Where that line is directly relates to how close we are. I can't imagine a single thing my wife could do to me to make me ever shut her out. Some people could look at me wrong and get banished from my life.
Ok, that last line was a bit of an exaggeration but the point is, my apathy is proportionate to our bond. The closer we are, the more likely forgiveness will be.
This isn't a movie. I'm not some sad little man that has refused to see his friends or family over minor issues. This is real life where some people just don't deserve another chance. Ya see, if they cared as much as I do, there wouldn't be a need for more chances. If they can't be bothered to care, neither can I.