Tuesday, March 5, 2013

No One Gets Out Alive

I just read a story about a 7 year old boy who was eating a Pop-Tart at school.  As he nibbled it down, he formed it into the shape of a gun.  The teacher claims she heard the child say "Bang Bang," also.  The child claims he was making a mountain.  I think the kid and the teacher are lying.  The boy was suspended from school for 2 days.

As asinine as it is to suspend a kid for 2 days for making a Pop-Tart gun, and as irritated as the story itself made me, the comments at the bottom sent me into a talking to myself shower rant.  As of this writing, the second comment in the comment section read, "What I want to know is why he was doing that in the first place. You never know the real gun might come next. They should of took a different route though."

Are ya fucking kidding me?  You never know the real gun might come next?  Because a kid made a gun out of a fucking Pop-Tart?  Do you have any idea how fucking stupid that is?

Let me, once again, share the not so secret secret with you pansies-asses, you are going to die.  None of your irrational fears will save you or your precious off-spring from eventually leaving this mortal coil.  And there is a chance you will die in a way so violent and gruesome that other people will lock themselves in their homes for fear of suffering the same fate.

And ya know what, there is not a god damn thing you can do about it.

Living your life based on worst case scenarios is not living your life.  It's a futile attempt to delay the inevitable  Banning guns (even the dreaded Pop-Tart pistol), limiting drink sizes, wearing helmets for everything from bike riding to sexual intercourse, none of these things will save you.  For fuck's sake, you could drown the next time you take a drink.

And to be brutally honest, if you think a kid making a Pop-Tart gun in anyway might lead him to bring a real gun to school, the most likely cause of your death will be your own fucking stupidity.  That is fucktarded on a level few get to ever experience.  How this moronic mother fucker remembers to breathe is beyond my imagination.

In the interest of full disclosure, I'll tell you I have made a pop-Tart gun.  I've made lego guns, play-dough guns, paper guns, hell, I even once made a mashed potato gun.  Never once took a real gun to school.  And if I'm being completely honest, if I ever get the urge to kill someone I will most likely beat them to death with my bare hands.  How's that make ya feel, ya cowardly mother fucker?

That any person would not only have this "real gun could be next" thought but say it publicly without shame shows just how fucking pussified (screw you spell check, pussified is a word) this world has become.  Morons like that commenter should be publicly mocked for their blatant stupidity.  And anyone who agrees with him should do the world a favor and take a toaster bath. 

(Can you believe a reader in high school has informed me my blog is blocked at their school for being "adult content"?  Go figure.)

16 comments:

  1. Right as always. And also, don't ya think while lil Johnny here gets all the attention for a gun shaped pastry they should be watching lil Bobby over there in the corner who is actually showing signs of detachment and anti social behaviors. Maybe muttering that he's gonna burn the whole school down or something. That would worry me more than a pop-tart, just saying. LOL

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    1. If they're muttering about burning shit at 7, yeah, we might wanna keep an eye on him.

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  2. I do agree with what you said; none of us is leaving this world alive; while I think everyone is hypersensitive these days with guns and school violence, I think there still should be reason in situations; this situation with the Pop Tart certainly went beyond reason in my opinion

    betty

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    1. To me, there is nothing reasonable about barring anything but real weapons. Kids today can't take a toy gun to school as part of a Halloween costume. Can't have a gun on a shirt.

      It's asinine.

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  3. Ugh... what the hell is wrong with this world!!! Well said fellow monkey !!! Tell em like it is!

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  4. I used to take my dolls into the playhouse and make them cups of tea, whilst feeding them cake. Of course in later life, this kind of degenerate behaviour, culminated in my kidnapping of old ladies from the streets and walling them up within my home as I forced fed them copious amounts of hot beverages and fruited pastries until they succumbed to what we in the profession, like to term as, death.

    So I believe the whole pop tart incident was handled correctly, for it would have only been a matter of time before the kid moved onto the real danger of threatening people with salted crackers. And salted crackers in anyone's book, is a real crime. :)

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  5. I had a "no guns" rule in my house for the longest time. As in the boys had NOTHING that resembled a gun to play with. Know what? They made the from Legos, sticks, their fingers, paperclips.

    Know what else? So far they are not homicidal maniacs.

    Know what else? We now have a full Nerf arsenal.... and I've found there's no better way to spend a Saturday afternoon with them. :)

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    1. Nerf wars are great! Finding all the nerf bullets can be a pain in the ass, though.

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  6. I have to agree with the comment, Monkey. You know why? They just pissed off that kid so badly by not only taking away his Pop Tart thus depriving him of his breakfast, they also created an unhealthy curiosity about guns instead teaching him about guns and gun safety. (Sarcasm)

    Guess what? Not only did I grow up around guns, I've been in bad situations with guns. It didn't make me run into a store and start shooting people. It made me go to my local dealership and buy one legally for protection for myself and for my family.

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    1. I hate to keep coming back to the gun thing but these stories just keep pissing me off.

      I don't care if the kid bit it into the shape of a nuke, its a god damn pop-tart.

      Grrrrr.....

      The problem here is, you're a smart woman. You made a smart choice. The people who do things like suspending kids over pop-tart guns are not smart. In fact, they're fucktards.

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    2. I think it's something we need to keep talking about because if we don't, it's only going to get worse and our rights and freedoms will continue to get stomped on!

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  7. Did you see that satirical picture that's being posted around lately? "Cloud shaped like gun causes all students to be suspended".

    Sadly, I wouldn't be surprised if that's where you guys are heading.

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